...October : The List...

Rain, rain, go away...and take September with you!

We're a few gorgeous days into October and thank goodness for that!

Delayed by rain...then illness...we're finally getting back in the game.

The month ahead is already filling up with 'big things' that must be done,

so, I'm all the more eager to find little pockets of fun and adventure.

Mid-month, we'll be heading out on the road for a long car trip to Ohio.  It's a trip fraught with emotion, even this far in advance.  A goodbye, and a hello, and a...'oh, I remember you' all wrapped up in one.  And it will be Henri's first long car trip...so, I've planning to do for sufficient breaks.

Homeschooling has been chewing up the majority of my time...if I'm not actively in teacher-mode, then I'm trying to create resources and recycle thrift finds into unit-themed activities.  Henri is flourishing in these early days and for as often as I may feel defeated by the things that went undone, I am buoyed right back up by his love for learning and challenge.

You'll note the final item...  So long overdue...

...September : The List...

First days.

What a gift.

The hope that comes with turning another page.

September has seemingly snuck up...at least where I'm concerned.  August just passed me by with barely a nod in my direction, so overwhelmed was I by All The Things that needed my full attention.

These early autumnal days are sure to fill up quickly, as we move back into our homeschool schedule and focus on building and rebuilding. 

While school-aged families are bidding farewell to summer vacation, we're just getting started on enjoying the late summer pleasures of (hopeful) beachside days and evenings in the bay.

 

...August : The List...

But a month to go, as summer wanes...
Little has gone to plan this summer...and so many plans have been back-burnered in the moment.
It's funny how the day to day can get so in the way of the wishes and wants.

Here's to August arriving, and all of the thriving...Cheers to the days ahead!

...July : The List...

I'm not quite sure of the how or the when, but it seems June has run out...
...and left, in its wake, far too many unchecked boxes.

June did not want to stick with the plan, that's for sure!

I'm trying to 'rise above' the disappointment and the frustration of having those unchecked boxes by reminding myself that:

Plans are subject to change

There's been A LOT of change

~and~

These lists are just the 'first drafts' of what ends up writing itself across the blank calendar pages.

We've ended June...a bit bedraggled, and damp around the edges after too much stormy weather, and I'm counting on July to put the sun back in the sky!

Cheers to it finally feeling like summer!

...June : The List...

 Time to turn the page...

Let's do away with May,
June has just begun,
We're ready for some fun!

Yup...jumping right on into June with as much excitement as possible...and an extra side of cheese! 

June is...historically...a month I try to avoid.  It's my birth month...and that alone has caused all kinds of grief in years passed.  But this year...this year?

I'm putting all my energy into rewriting the false narrative of trauma...

and...

Celebrating!

No iron-clad plans...as life is 'lifing' lately in an on-an-emergency-basis kind of way.

But that's okay.

There are seasons...and this one is, though challenging, manageable.

So here's to play and presence...cupcakes...and presents I'm finally willing to give to myself!

❒ Fulfill the long-term 'wishlists' and replace necessary household and wardrobe items

❒ Source books for the summer workshops and prototype each grade level's project

❒ Schedule and plan for the month's daytrips and set aside funds for each one

❒ Reset supplies and theme for Henri's lessons and therapy

❒ Dinner with Johannes

❒ Lunch with Henri

❒ A night out

❒ Prepare for and plan out a few 'family' reunions

❒ Move into the outdoors and use the gazebo as our livingroom

❒ Entertain...in one fell swoop, for all the celebrations

❒Reduce and reorganize the paperwork, schoolwork, artwork, etc..

❒ Set aside travel funds

❒ Explore moving options

❒ Eat dessert daily

❒ Splash!

...May : The List...

I wish...I want

I will...I won't

I might...I MAY!

What's on your bucket list for this month ahead?  I find, after an April that went sideways more often than not, that I'm both tightening the straps and loosening the reigns as we head into May.

It's far too easy to get caught up in the rigidity of routine and leaving the checking in for the checklists...  Which, as I found last month, left little room for surprises, and none at all for self-reflection.  So as the calendar page turns, I'm trying to outline the month ahead in a solid but sparse frame, and leave lots of space for pivoting...growing...and rewrites!

With a focus on Re-Assessing and Re-Addressing:

❒ Empty out all the storage and make the hard decisions on what to keep vs. what to donate

❒ Schedule and plan out the summer workshops

❒ Plan an overnight trip with the boys

❒ Set up theme weeks for Henri’s lessons and therapy

❒ dinner with Johannes

❒ lunch with Henri

❒ Sunday drives and dines

❒ sea, sun and sand

❒ signs and socializing

❒ ath-leisure, park-play and car picnics

❒ create our family ‘guide book’ of favorite places 

❒ go wild…at the zoo

❒ hit the trails

❒ ride the rails

...April : The List...

Time for some Spring Cleaning

❐ closet cleanouts and donation dropoffs

❐ pack away winter apparel

❐ pack away winter dishes and decor

❐ revise the shopping list

❐ the great toy swap-out

❐ set up the patio furniture and clear out all the debris

❐ reorganize the kitchen and swap out lesser-used appliances

❐ trial and error lessons plans for home-therapy/homeschool

❐ dye eggs and create holiday pages for fingerpainting

❐ daily spring scenes with window markers

❐ dinner with Johannes

❐ lunch with Henri

❐ Easter Egg Hunt

❐ fresh air and fresh perspective

❐ deep-cleaning and disposal

❐ begin planning with Johannes for next year

 

...spring cleaning...

Much as I would like to think that some echo of my former self still lingers, the truth is that this chapter of motherhood has effectively killed her off...and with her, all sense of scheduling, organizing, and planning.

That's not to say I don't still try.  The planner sits atop the kitchen table, full of hastily scribbled "reminders to self" and checklists and calendar notations.  But at the end of every day, the page tells the true story...a few lines of text checked and crossed off in the early hours of caffeination...and then, abandonment.  Each day rolling over into the next, with a growing list of to-dos and want-tos...and, worse yet, should-have-alreadys...

'Twixt toddler-hood and the (now) 20 year old, my days are a precarious balancing act of tasks/goals and chaos control...and that's before adding in the "crisis management" that has been the operating system of recent months. 

Come night...or, rather, midnight and her shadowy sisters, I pause long enough to copy the lines of one day over into the next and shake loose the disappointment-irritation-shame of having failed to accomplish once again.

So here I sit, with planner beside me, full of 'best laid plans' and the traffic snarl of 'good intentions'.

Here I sit, in contemplative silence (of inner self, not surroundings...ha!) marking the passage of days and idly scrolling through my handwritten notes.

Wondering, as always if I'll ever get back on track.

Wondering just where and when and how I got off track to begin with.

And then I hear the hushed murmurs of my two boys, from but a few feet away, where they play.

Two boys.

One young adult.

One newly minted three year old.

Playing with all the wild abandonment of boyhood at trucks and dinos and transformers.

Ah.  Yes.  There it is.  The off-ramp.

Of motherhood.

Motherhood of this variety.

The "drop everything to be in the moment" motherhood.

The "tend to the curiousities" and let the rest fall away motherhood.

The "wear all the hats" motherhood.

The "embrace both skills and deficits of disability" motherhood.

The...

Stop

Drop

and Roll With It

motherhood.

The...pause now to pick up the pieces and wonder if I'll ever even get back to finishing this post motherhood.

6:37 a.m.

...March : The List...

 Now I don't know about you, but I'm thinking this whole "March comes in like a lion..." thing has some pretty good potential.  Fierce, wild, and altogether forceful?  Sounds good.  Ready to tear things up and make a snack of February?  Even better!

Bring it on March...we're ready to ROAR!!!

First a few old familiars...best laid plans and all that...

❐ re-tile the entryway (I know, I know...is it even worth it at this point?) But...this repressed interior decorator needs that flow!

❐ daytrip to a new locale in New York

❐ daytrip to a new locale in Pennsylvania

 

❐ dinner with just Johannes (this is 100% guaranteed to be on every list!)

 

❐ lunch with just Henri (as is this!)

❐ take Henri on a train ride (surely we can plan a daytrip around this)

❐ visit Ringing Rocks Park (I mean...it's a must with my little rock-star!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now for something new...

❐ now that Early Intervention is over, let's go ahead and rearrange our living space to suit our daily needs a bit better

❐ diving into signing and signaling

❐ future focus: minds on moving! Time to scout out new vistas!

❐ put it in the book: schedule those healthcare appointments

❐ city streets, new eats, family completes

❐ salty air and Red Bank fair

❐ visit an aquarium and adopt a fish for Henri

...February : The List...recap

  Farewell, February.

Farewell, though so much of you still seems to be lingering...carrying over into this new month with your unfinished business, your tentacles of unresolved trauma and tribulation, your long-reaching consequences.  You've tried your best to throw us off course...and in some disappointing ways, been quite successful.  We'll feel you still, I'm sure, come June.

But here we close the books.  Some boxes checked, and others empty.  An accounting, of where we hoped to be and where we landed. A visual aid to remind me in years to come how best laid plans were thrown off course by illness (yes...again...or is it ongoing?) and emergencies, and reunions...and a revolving door of challenges, choices, and next-right-things.

I feel quite wrung out by you..."I'm tired", my ceaseless chant...or whine...or excuse.

I'm tired.  Too many irons in the fire...too few sparks to keep the blaze roaring.

But here I draw the line:

-------------------------------

Because for as much misery as you brought, we filled you up with moments (big and small) of pure joy, pure love, and pure life.  We poured into you reignited relationships, daytrips aplenty, mini-adventures, hard-won milestones, celebrations...and plenty of cake!

Sure, there are unchecked boxes up above.  Disappointments logged in empty space.

But February...you were full.

To the brim.

To overflowing.

You were full all the way into this start to March.

...February : The List...

Thank goodness for another clean slate, courtesy of a new month.

January...did not go as planned...

The first part spent in "quarantine" as one, then another and another of us got sick...plans postponed, then cancelled and mourned.  Schedules re-scheduled, then abandoned all together.

As a result, we spent the second half of the month...the "recovery mode" portion, playing catch up on the basics...work and appointments and early intervention and therapies and volunteer commitments all getting crammed into the few remaining days. 

Is it any wonder that I'm starting off this new month feeling equal parts frantic and frustrated?

But, I have a plan.

Or, rather...plans...

Some of which, as you can see, are simply "forwarded" from last month to this one,
whether for want of real, heavy winter snowfall and freezing temps,
or because we just didn't manage to squeeze them in.  

Here's to hoping we get each one checked off this time around!

Cheers to a new month, and new possibilities!

❒  -> build and decorate our fairy house and plant it in the woods

❒ -> go on a rock hunt for round white rocks and build snowmen with them

❒ -> ”spraypaint” pictures in the snow with spraybottles of water/food coloring

❒ -> make snow-eis

❒ -> explore one of NJ’s waterfalls in the winter…look for ice flows

❒ -> walk the beach and gather shells, rock, seaglass….bundle up!

❒ -> drive to a desolate spot and stargaze at night, with hot cocoa!

❒ re-tile the entryway area

❒ daytrip to a new locale in New York State

❒ daytrip to a new locale in Pennsylvania

❒ dinner with just Johannes

❒ lunch with just Henri

❒ schedule and book our first post-Covid overnight trip

❒ teach Henri 3 new signs

❒ visit a children’s museum

❒ take Henri on a train ride

❒ daytrip to RedBank for gluten-free goodies and sea-salt air

❒ have dessert for dinner

❒ visit Ringing Rocks Park

❒ go on another weekend thrift haul, complete with a picnic lunch

❒ make chocolate covered strawberries with Henri…don’t forget the sprinkles!

Let's check back in on the 28th and see how many boxes we ✔ off!

...January : The List...recap

 Farewell, January.

I wish I could say it was all that and more...but...ummm...

We spent more than half of it sick and/or recovering.

So yeah...best laid plans and all that.

Despite that, we did manage to check off a good portion of our January Bucket List and I'm totally ok with rolling some of these unchecked boxes over into February, without a backward glance.

And, to be fair, our tangle with the 'Tripledemic' might actually have created time/opportunity for us to check off  few boxes we might not have, such as:

~dessert for breakfast

~sleeping in and eating breakfast while watching cartoons

~and having breakfast for dinner...which happened frequently at the height of my illness! 

We had just a few sprinkles of snowfall, here and there.  Not enough to settle in and hunker down, but one day afforded us just enough snow to get Henri on his little blue sled and race him and down the hill...before the rain melted it all away. I'm hopeful that February will bring us a good dollop of the white stuff and we'll be able to really enjoy some outdoor play.

A few trips both at the start and at the end, meant we got in our fill of both thrifted treasures and mouthwatering eats!  I've been quite lucky, lately, at the local thrift stores...miraculously finding just the right thing or a pretty good replacement...particularly when it comes to therapeutic aids (pt/ot) for my youngest. 

We went to the Morris Museum, which was both a win and a loss: the current rotating exhibitions were definitely not our scene and the permanent exhibitions seem to have lost their luster.  But, the train display did not disappoint!  Henri's deep in his train phase (a standard of boyhood, I should think) and couldn't get enough!  Afterwards we tried out a new-to-us Morristown restaurant, Town and were blown away by our appetizer feast!  Gorgeous platings of fresh, decadent flavors. Pricey (by our budget), but well worth it for a delicious food adventure!

 New signs! Communication, in any form, is a win!

The kitchen was my playground this month, as I tried a few new dishes and made up others to use our pantry leftovers.  I did treat myself to a new cookbook...Danielle Walker's 'Healthy in a Hurry', to add to my collection of her work.  Great gluten-free and dairy-free options for this family!

 If the kitchen was my playground, it was Johannes' prison-yard.  Still working on getting him to be more confident with tools and with heat!

 Now granted, we're regular thrifters...but we did take time out to visit some new ones and brought along our lunches for the road.  Something for everyone: new toys, new books, and a treasure-box jammed full of pieces of my vintage glass collection!  The best part?  We more than made back what we spent, on eBay.

We had the perfect day, hiking along the South Mountain Fairy Trail and on to the waterfall...a first hike for Henri, who enjoyed almost every moment!  The fairy homes are beginning to really decline, but somehow that makes them more magical....I think...as they disappear into their surroundings.

 Johannes and I stopped off at Echo Lake Park, for another meander down to the falls, and a frantic gathering of pinecones just as the first raindrops began to fall. 

 We had quite the mess-making adventure the following day, slathering our pinecones in almond butter and birdseed.  Neither boy can tolerate sticky hands, so you can well imagine not only the mess, but the angst as we rolled sticky cones in seed!  The birds and squirrels have made their thanks known!

Henri's scissor skills still leave much to be desired, but he's making good progress.  I still can't get a handle of which handedness he prefers.

Johannes and I had THE BEST NIGHT...just the two of us, at Outback.  The food?  Eh...as expected.  The conversation? Next Level Awesome!  What a delight it is, to be able to drop our designated titles/roles...and just sit down to a meal together as genuine best friends.

The freezer is well stocked (minus cookies!) with all manner of goodness for those days when we're running.  I love batch cooking, and filling up the larder.  This month, I made two different chilis, pulled pork, and 3 different soups.  We're definitely stocked for the month ahead!

Henri and I have been enjoying evening storytime at our local library this month. We'd begun going early in the fall (after attending virtual programs for the past few years) but gave up and gave in to feelings of defeat, when he couldn't sit still for the program. He's definitely a mover...and a shaker!  I resolved to go back and just let him experience it in his own way.  Thankfully, the librarian who leads the program is very understanding of littles who need to move.  Phew!

~~~

Okay, I'm out of time.

I have to say (or write) that this recap format does NOT work for me, but it was the best I could do in the little time I had available.

We've had a really hard time getting back to any semblance of a predictable schedule, which means I don't have time to write. :(  

...January : The List...

You've only to look around my home to know I am a girl who loves a good list.

My "workspace"...a traveling stack of planners and papers and scraps...has lists for every purpose.

Actually, now that I write it out...
it's not the lists I love...
it's the checking off of items that brings me joy.

✔✔✔

This season of parenting...of a gap-year young adult + a rambunctious, frustrated toddler + my stepchildren (long distance though they may be) has made the need for lists far greater than before.
I need the lists.
I need them to keep track

 ❒ of tasks

❒ of details

❒ of dates

❒ of all the things I've fallen so far behind on.

I need the lists to remind me of the things I can do...should do...will do...and, yes, have done.

I need the lists to remind me that whatever it was that I couldn't get to today, by want of time or money or energy or silence or space, I might be able to tackle tomorrow...and that's okay.

Those lists are the ones that allow me to feel like my feet are on solid ground in the midst of the maelstrom of life.

But those are not this.

Oh, no.

This list...this is my January list.

My first list in what I intend to make 12 of...a "bucket list" for every month this year, for our family:

❒ hike the South Mountain Fairy Trail and make a fairy home from natural findings

❒ gather pinecones and make birdseed/nut butter pinecone feeders

❒ go on a rock hunt for round white rocks and build snowmen with them

❒ cocoa and marshmallows around the firepit

❒ "spraypaint" pictures in the snow with spraybottles of water/food coloring

❒ sledding

❒ fill the freezer with chilis and soups

❒ make snow-eis

❒ make spaghetti-eis with vegan ice cream

❒ explore one of NJ's waterfalls in the winter...look for ice flows

❒ walk the beach and gather shells, rocks, seaglass...bundle up!

❒ meet a friend for coffee...or sushi

❒ visit a museum and make a meal of appetizers at a new restaurant

❒ teach Henri 3 new signs

❒ try a new recipe

❒ play sous-chef to Johannes for one dinner prep

❒ go on a low-spend thrift-jaunt daytrip: pack sandwiches, snacks and beverages and only spend money on thrifted treasures

❒ have a "dessert for breakfast" day

❒ set up the Christmas tree outside and hang it with edible ornaments for our wildlife neighbors

❒ work on scissor skills with Henri and cut out paper snowflakes for the windows

❒ go out to dinner with just Johannes

❒ go out to lunch with just Henri

❒ sleep in one morning, and eat breakfast while watching cartoons

❒ drive to a desolate spot and stargaze at night, with hot cocoa of course!

❒ attend a library program

❒ read a book with Johannes...engage in book club discussion about it

❒ have breakfast for dinner

❒ plan a future overnight trip

❒ make "care packages" for each other

❒ explore a 'new to us' NJ town

❒ install a new shelf in Johannes' room

~~~

Let's check back in on the 31st and see how many boxes we ✔ off!