Yesterday our dear friend Alex came by to pick up a banquet table that I had offered up in a 'you or the dumpster' sort of a way. Yay...another aquisition of the ex's goes poof and disappears! In order to get it from my house to hers she enlisted the help of her friend Chris and his truck.
And upon his arrival, the mister man, who usually disappears from sight when visitors walk in, piped up 'Hi, I'm ___, let's play". Awwww! I swear he has spidey sense where testosterone is concerned. Chris, being a combo good sport, father to four of his own, and genuine all around nice guy (I know, I know, a vanishing species) spent about 45 minutes playing with my son afer we got the table into his truck. Alex and I just sat and chatted and listened as my son had the best time in ages.
*insert heartache*
When I put the mister man to bed last night, the bedtime ritual over, he drowsily hugged me and said 'he should come back to play...he can be my daddy'. Oooof...sucker punch to the gut.
And to make matters 'worse' or more heartwrenching I was informed this morning that what my son really wants for his birthday is "transformer tank, its green...and ice cream...and a daddy to play with...come on, let's go buy them at the store..."
23 February, 2008
...spiderwebs and sleeplessness...
Once again I'm ashamed to log onto the blogger page and see when last I posted. It seems I keep getting caught up in these blog-free slumps, where days or weeks go by and never once do I sit down and organize my thoughts. Granted, that may be due to the lack of 'deep thoughts' currently swirling throught my grey matter...but really, when has this ever been a forum for deep thinking?!?
Since before Christmas I've been struggling with fairly massive sleep issues...ranging from heart-pounding, pulse-racing anxiety attacks at 3am to full on days without end insomnia. Perhaps the mister man is sucking the sleep out of me? He seems to be doing fairly well with the concept of 'a body at rest tends to stay at rest' and is actually up to five hours at a time of solid sleep. Amazing! Last year at this time it was only about two hours before he'd thrash about.
At any rate, the effects of my sleeplessness run the gamut from diminished thought capacity to full on clumsiness. The other day the mister man and I were walking through a mini-blizzard to the grocery store and I quite literally walked straight into a tree. Face...meet Bark. A quick recovery and appraisal of the vicinity to make sure I'd had no audience, and off we went...only to have the mister man then tell everyone we ran into that 'Mami runs things over'. Brilliant.
Spring may be slow in poking its head out...but that isn't quelling the urge for the annual spring clean-out. Note the fact that I use clean-out, not cleaning. Every year around this time I find myself ready to toss out half of the contents of my house, and start fresh. Financial concerns being what they are, this urge is usually stopped in its tracks right after the first gimcrack or thingamajig has been tossed into the dumpster.
I'm ready to repaint...and have been ready for quite some time. But with spring on the way and warmer weather just around the corner...I'll be able to open the windows and do so. Of course the first step is taking down all the pictures and nails...and finally getting at a few of the cobwebs. Apparently the spiders are foregoing the front entrance and it's clear 'Keep Out' sign.
And this above...this is what happens when I sit down to write and haven't yet had enough coffee. Apologies.
Since before Christmas I've been struggling with fairly massive sleep issues...ranging from heart-pounding, pulse-racing anxiety attacks at 3am to full on days without end insomnia. Perhaps the mister man is sucking the sleep out of me? He seems to be doing fairly well with the concept of 'a body at rest tends to stay at rest' and is actually up to five hours at a time of solid sleep. Amazing! Last year at this time it was only about two hours before he'd thrash about.
At any rate, the effects of my sleeplessness run the gamut from diminished thought capacity to full on clumsiness. The other day the mister man and I were walking through a mini-blizzard to the grocery store and I quite literally walked straight into a tree. Face...meet Bark. A quick recovery and appraisal of the vicinity to make sure I'd had no audience, and off we went...only to have the mister man then tell everyone we ran into that 'Mami runs things over'. Brilliant.
Spring may be slow in poking its head out...but that isn't quelling the urge for the annual spring clean-out. Note the fact that I use clean-out, not cleaning. Every year around this time I find myself ready to toss out half of the contents of my house, and start fresh. Financial concerns being what they are, this urge is usually stopped in its tracks right after the first gimcrack or thingamajig has been tossed into the dumpster.
I'm ready to repaint...and have been ready for quite some time. But with spring on the way and warmer weather just around the corner...I'll be able to open the windows and do so. Of course the first step is taking down all the pictures and nails...and finally getting at a few of the cobwebs. Apparently the spiders are foregoing the front entrance and it's clear 'Keep Out' sign.
And this above...this is what happens when I sit down to write and haven't yet had enough coffee. Apologies.
30 January, 2008
...the past post...
Just the other day (sounds much better than yesterday afternoon) I had a full blog post solidify in the ether of my mind...while out for a walk with the mister man.
Now of course, it's gone...
Restoration capabilities are limited in the sleep-deprived...so I have only these few gems to offer:
I took the time to slow down and just watch, as my son stepped on a narrow log and balanced carefully...arms out to the side and slightly askew...shaky...in fits and starts...he walked from one end to the other before jumping down and clapping. Perfection! A moment of pure childhood NORMALCY. This was what being a mother was all about.
So often I get caught up...in the data forms, the questionairres, the tests...all the things that tangibly remind me that my son is autistic. And it becomes quite easy to forget that he is first and foremost an 'almost 5' year old boy...just a child like any other...growing and learning and playing. Day to day living can turn into a quiz show...did he do this, did he not do this, can he handle it, what's the reaction...etc... And far to often I think the real rare moments of his just being a child pass me by. That wasn't always the case...we used to go to the playground or the park every single day and just play and laugh and be whatever it is we are. But winter and cold and damp get in the way of that...and when we're shut up in the house it's easy to lose sight of play and just let frustration rule the day.
Despite all my resolutions...I'm still far from living the life I want to. A large factor in that is very much ME...and my wimpy self-conscious inability to be at peace with sticking out. Silly girl...
Quality over quantity is the new goal for our future food consumption. The junk food has got to go...as does the compulsion to buy it because it's cheap/on sale. There's really no need to fill the cabinets, fridge and freezer with such variety of edible garbage. Instead, I'd like to gradually ease into buying only what we need/want for any given day...and being inventive with the leftovers. Shop every third day perhaps for a new entree, vegetable and fruit...
Need. More. Coffee.
Now of course, it's gone...
Restoration capabilities are limited in the sleep-deprived...so I have only these few gems to offer:
I took the time to slow down and just watch, as my son stepped on a narrow log and balanced carefully...arms out to the side and slightly askew...shaky...in fits and starts...he walked from one end to the other before jumping down and clapping. Perfection! A moment of pure childhood NORMALCY. This was what being a mother was all about.
So often I get caught up...in the data forms, the questionairres, the tests...all the things that tangibly remind me that my son is autistic. And it becomes quite easy to forget that he is first and foremost an 'almost 5' year old boy...just a child like any other...growing and learning and playing. Day to day living can turn into a quiz show...did he do this, did he not do this, can he handle it, what's the reaction...etc... And far to often I think the real rare moments of his just being a child pass me by. That wasn't always the case...we used to go to the playground or the park every single day and just play and laugh and be whatever it is we are. But winter and cold and damp get in the way of that...and when we're shut up in the house it's easy to lose sight of play and just let frustration rule the day.
Despite all my resolutions...I'm still far from living the life I want to. A large factor in that is very much ME...and my wimpy self-conscious inability to be at peace with sticking out. Silly girl...
Quality over quantity is the new goal for our future food consumption. The junk food has got to go...as does the compulsion to buy it because it's cheap/on sale. There's really no need to fill the cabinets, fridge and freezer with such variety of edible garbage. Instead, I'd like to gradually ease into buying only what we need/want for any given day...and being inventive with the leftovers. Shop every third day perhaps for a new entree, vegetable and fruit...
Need. More. Coffee.
...ice-queen...
This morning, miracles of miracles, the mister man actually made it to school! Which brings the total for January school days attended up to two handfuls?!? Apparently fate had decided he WOULD go no matter what else got in the way, and boy oh boy did the what else try! Last night brought in the windstorm/hailstorm from hell...which combined with my current insomnia...made sleep beyond impossible. At some point though, probably early morning, I did manage to conk out...just in time perhaps...else I would have been awake to see the power go out. Cue the bleary eyed perusal of the alarm clock which reads 5:30...when it's really 7:30 and the bus is rolling ever closer. Unscrambling of head and inner clock rumblings that perhaps the clock is ?wrong?...and full speed ahead to literally throwing clothing on self and the mister man as adrenaline rushes in.
We managed to make it down the stairs in one piece and get both shoes and coats on before the bus pulled up...and then, wonders of wonders...another wrench in the works...literally, a wrench on the door to no avail. Our front door was frozen shut. I think my brain exploded a little!
Wrenching on the door and twisting locks and handles did nothing. So, I bade the child stand back and gave it a good old superhero try with the roundhouse kick...and lo and behold the door un-stuck! (Now if only I could have done it in heels while talking on the phone and drinking coffee...now THAT would be something to brag about!)
Skipping all attempts for any sort of conversational overlap in themes here...
It's dawned on me rather suddenly that with the mister man's 5th coming up we're also coming up on having lived in this very apartment for 5 years and my having been ALONE (cue the sound effects) for over 3 years. How can I ever hope to expand my family or enjoy a leisurely stroll down the aisle if I don't open up to the possibility of dating?!?
BTW...after the three year mark in this very same apartment, the plan was to have had at least one more child and have become a homeowner...hahahahahahaha...
3a.m. this morning had me feeling quite sorry for both self and son...no backyard swingset for him to play on, no loyal pup to wrestle with, no white picket fence (though I much prefer the idea of a stylized hedge!)and absolutely not a thing to show for ourselves after 5 years as a family. Ouch!
We managed to make it down the stairs in one piece and get both shoes and coats on before the bus pulled up...and then, wonders of wonders...another wrench in the works...literally, a wrench on the door to no avail. Our front door was frozen shut. I think my brain exploded a little!
Wrenching on the door and twisting locks and handles did nothing. So, I bade the child stand back and gave it a good old superhero try with the roundhouse kick...and lo and behold the door un-stuck! (Now if only I could have done it in heels while talking on the phone and drinking coffee...now THAT would be something to brag about!)
Skipping all attempts for any sort of conversational overlap in themes here...
It's dawned on me rather suddenly that with the mister man's 5th coming up we're also coming up on having lived in this very apartment for 5 years and my having been ALONE (cue the sound effects) for over 3 years. How can I ever hope to expand my family or enjoy a leisurely stroll down the aisle if I don't open up to the possibility of dating?!?
BTW...after the three year mark in this very same apartment, the plan was to have had at least one more child and have become a homeowner...hahahahahahaha...
3a.m. this morning had me feeling quite sorry for both self and son...no backyard swingset for him to play on, no loyal pup to wrestle with, no white picket fence (though I much prefer the idea of a stylized hedge!)and absolutely not a thing to show for ourselves after 5 years as a family. Ouch!
22 January, 2008
...why is the sky blue...
Why is it that when I most need the sleep, I simply can't fall asleep?
Why does a day without mail make me feel like I'm stranded in the twilight zone?
Why can't I stop re-arranging things?
When did I start thinking staring at the tv screen for two hours was a perfectly respectable way to pass a whole evening?
Why don't I sing anymore?
Why does a day without mail make me feel like I'm stranded in the twilight zone?
Why can't I stop re-arranging things?
When did I start thinking staring at the tv screen for two hours was a perfectly respectable way to pass a whole evening?
Why don't I sing anymore?
...resolving to progress while progressing with resolutions...
Well here it is nearing the end of January and I have yet to add any worthwile updates. I've been multi-tasking since the start of the new year, both personally and professionally, which leaves me little time for sleep and less for putting together actual sensible thoughts. Thus far, I'm doing fairly well with my resolutions. Can any of you say the same, or have they all gone by the wayside?
From day one of January onward I have been slowly tending to the clearing out of clutter...having taken it one step further and addressing some of the ephemeral and non-tangible clutter while at it. One of the great positives in all this is that when we finally do get around to making the big move, it will be much smoother without all the baggage. The basement and closets have been cleaned out and the rest of the house is gradually being tended to also.
We've had a bit of snow here once again...and a great deal of frigid temperatures which finally gave way to a mild afternoon today. The mister man and I were able to enjoy a real walk again...complete with a trip to the natural food market for some "fixins". He's becoming quite the companionable walking partner...if only he had a bit more by way of conversation...
Speaking of the mister man, I'm sure it is due time for a sum up of all his latest feats, wonders and charms. He continues to be the handsome, brilliant and perfect imp...as always. This last week I kept him home from school as he was feeling poorly...and am now well overdue for a good long break from him! :) He is becoming quite the little helper...sometimes when I don't need the help/hindrance...but usually in a good way. I'm starting to think it might be time for an actual chore and reward system for him. He really ought to be quite capable of making his own bed and perhaps helping to tidy up the house at night. And I could stand the help!
From day one of January onward I have been slowly tending to the clearing out of clutter...having taken it one step further and addressing some of the ephemeral and non-tangible clutter while at it. One of the great positives in all this is that when we finally do get around to making the big move, it will be much smoother without all the baggage. The basement and closets have been cleaned out and the rest of the house is gradually being tended to also.
We've had a bit of snow here once again...and a great deal of frigid temperatures which finally gave way to a mild afternoon today. The mister man and I were able to enjoy a real walk again...complete with a trip to the natural food market for some "fixins". He's becoming quite the companionable walking partner...if only he had a bit more by way of conversation...
Speaking of the mister man, I'm sure it is due time for a sum up of all his latest feats, wonders and charms. He continues to be the handsome, brilliant and perfect imp...as always. This last week I kept him home from school as he was feeling poorly...and am now well overdue for a good long break from him! :) He is becoming quite the little helper...sometimes when I don't need the help/hindrance...but usually in a good way. I'm starting to think it might be time for an actual chore and reward system for him. He really ought to be quite capable of making his own bed and perhaps helping to tidy up the house at night. And I could stand the help!
01 January, 2008
...and they're off...
Happy New Year one and all!
Day One of 2008 and so far so good...I'm off to a decent start.
The resolutions keep piling up as I think of all sorts of other valid changes to be made...but I'm more than happy to report I've already kept a few of them!
The mister man has a few resolutions of his own, namely: to give more hugs, to throw fewer temper tantrums, and to clean up his own messes. Oh dear, is it a tad bit to obvious that I made those for him?!? :)
Day One of 2008 and so far so good...I'm off to a decent start.
The resolutions keep piling up as I think of all sorts of other valid changes to be made...but I'm more than happy to report I've already kept a few of them!
The mister man has a few resolutions of his own, namely: to give more hugs, to throw fewer temper tantrums, and to clean up his own messes. Oh dear, is it a tad bit to obvious that I made those for him?!? :)
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