Just the other day (sounds much better than yesterday afternoon) I had a full blog post solidify in the ether of my mind...while out for a walk with the mister man.
Now of course, it's gone...
Restoration capabilities are limited in the sleep-deprived...so I have only these few gems to offer:
I took the time to slow down and just watch, as my son stepped on a narrow log and balanced carefully...arms out to the side and slightly askew...shaky...in fits and starts...he walked from one end to the other before jumping down and clapping. Perfection! A moment of pure childhood NORMALCY. This was what being a mother was all about.
So often I get caught up...in the data forms, the questionairres, the tests...all the things that tangibly remind me that my son is autistic. And it becomes quite easy to forget that he is first and foremost an 'almost 5' year old boy...just a child like any other...growing and learning and playing. Day to day living can turn into a quiz show...did he do this, did he not do this, can he handle it, what's the reaction...etc... And far to often I think the real rare moments of his just being a child pass me by. That wasn't always the case...we used to go to the playground or the park every single day and just play and laugh and be whatever it is we are. But winter and cold and damp get in the way of that...and when we're shut up in the house it's easy to lose sight of play and just let frustration rule the day.
Despite all my resolutions...I'm still far from living the life I want to. A large factor in that is very much ME...and my wimpy self-conscious inability to be at peace with sticking out. Silly girl...
Quality over quantity is the new goal for our future food consumption. The junk food has got to go...as does the compulsion to buy it because it's cheap/on sale. There's really no need to fill the cabinets, fridge and freezer with such variety of edible garbage. Instead, I'd like to gradually ease into buying only what we need/want for any given day...and being inventive with the leftovers. Shop every third day perhaps for a new entree, vegetable and fruit...
Need. More. Coffee.
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