Autism Awareness Month: an old crosspost

I'm resurrecting an old post...way back from my days on LiveJournal...on this second day of Autism Awareness Month.

an old crosspost...

There are days, few and far between, but there nonetheless when I feel as though I can't handle all this on my own. It's hard enough being a single parent, but then you add in a special needs child and throw into the mix that there is no extended family close by to help out. And what comes out....frazzled frustrated me! Ugh!
For the most part we've gotten things down to a system and we manage to get through the day to day without too much difficulty. At this point I feel as though I've adjusted fairly well to his needs and emotions and there's almost a sense of intuition or predictability to it. I can judge a room before we enter and know what will set him off: whether it's the crowd, the lighting, the smell, the feel of the floor...
And then there are 'THOSE DAYS'....the ones where I have 1 in 100 odds of preventing imminent disaster. I still don't know what set him off today. But my jaw bears testament to his inner turmoil with a fresh bruise. Foot on jaw with force = very bad thing!
My own frustration really lies in the fact that there is sometimes very little I can do help him because the sensory integration disorder that is part of his autism won't allow him to accept comfort when he is in meltdown mode. Tactile defensiveness can manifest as a pain reaction to a hug or a gentle caress and something as a soft as a whisper can bombard his ears like a siren. It is those times when I feel adrift and helpless and useless even. It is those times when I wonder if there is any 'getting better'. And then there's the guilt in my heart that says 'if you can't accept that he is perfect as is, how can you possibly expect others to do so?". In the maelstrom of stimming or meltdowns it can be so easy to forget the sense of wonder and perfection that he brings to my life.
What interests me most on a daily basis is all the autism research that seeks a cure or a solution. So far, there isn't any one fix. There's therapies, essentially limitless....ABA, Occupational, Speech, Physical, Fine Motor, Gross Motor, Social Skills, etc... But what I wonder in my heart of hearts is why am I sometimes so desperate for a cure? Why do I feel my son needs to be 'fixed'? Is it simply because society has imprinted on me it's rules of what is acceptable and what is not and I am imposing them on my child? The thing is, I know that compared to your average mainstream child, my son is different. But what I don't know, what I don't necessarily believe, is that his autism is a bad thing.
He sees the world in ways I can't even imagine. His senses take in things I don't even notice. And his mind works around puzzles and mysteries until he finds a suitable answer, whereas I would just accept the standard opinion. The changes he has wrought in me and my use of my talents and God-given creativity would probably never have occurred were he not autistic.
So does he need to be fixed or programmed or therapied until he fits into society, or does society at large need to once and for all realize that true beauty lies in each person's difference....

Autism Awareness Month Kicks Off

How much do I love that the official start of Autism Awareness Month shares a date with April Fool's?

Particularly since, in raising my own spectrum son, I'm daily challenged in explaining all that is not literal. Part of the challenge in communication with individuals on the autism spectrum is the tendency to not conceive of emotional language or read facial communication appropriately.

Of course, throw into the mix my own 'extreme sarcasm levels' and this little boy of mine is officially in the school of hard knocks when it comes to effective incoming and outgoing communications.

The interesting realization though is that my primary mode of outgoing communication tends to the melodramatic in both tone and facial expression. (Blame it on the Musical Theatre major in me.) I tend to think that because my son daily gets my emotional communication in full effect he's more able than most spectrum kids to read those expressions and intonations in others.

Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong...but gosh darn it, I'm patting myself on the back all the same!

At any rate, for this month, expect a lot of Autism Awareness focused blogging. Show your support for our little family with comments directed at the Mister Man himself. And feel free to ask me any questions about Autism and our journey through it all. Worry not...I have no shame! :)

...when Mami's break down...

Oh readers, as my facebook status states, I am muddling through this morning...though hobbling might be a better word choice. Last night on 'When Refrigerators Attack', the Man of the Hour and I were having a moment of good natured fun in the kitchen, blissfully unaware that the fridge was, even then, plotting my demise. Somehow, a little bit of push coming to shove ended with me getting my foot stuck under the door and bent in half. My dancer's feet stood me well on that point, as it bent and arched instead of snapping bone. Unfortunately, that didn't help one little bit when the door was pulled back abruptly, caught on the back of my ankle and cut down right into my achilles tendon.

I am so thankful for the miracle that is the shock effect! The pain didn't set in until I was halfway bandaged up...but oh my gosh, it bled like a head wound! This morning I saw all the dried blood pooled on the kitchen floor...ugh, so gross...and what a pain to clean up later!

So the Man of the Hour had to rustle up a pair of crutches at midnight while I tended to the first aid component of my wound.

And this morning? Ugh! Trying to make breakfast, pack lunch, help the Mister Man get dressed...even making coffee...ten thousand times more difficult!!! I never realized how much I usually get done (I'm a total caffeinated multi-tasker) until I had to do only one thing at a time and with only one hand!

....new week, new inspiration...

I'd love for any of my non-commenting readers to leave me a comment...and yes, I know you are out there...see, at the bottom...Live Feed! :)
And if you really want to wow me...go ahead and suggest some other topics for Inspiration Point!
This weekend my son was in an extra cuddle-bug kind of a mood...which made for some lovely extended storytime snuggles on the sofa. We're reading our way through a compendium of fairytales...he reads one page, I the next. And so, straight from our sofa to you, I'm stuck on Snow White this week. Ya know, she of the rosy cheeks and charcoal hair...the great beauty sleep...the fairest of them all...
Who wouldn't want to go down as the fairest of them all?!?

...as time goes by...

I know, I know, I've left you in the lurch...I've been in full-on-blog-neglect mode. And let me tell you, when you've gone this long...it's so damn easy to just keep it up!
Anyone out there want to hold me accountable? I might need a little reassurance or, ya know, a firm shove back into Blogland!

...mami can't do 'me' time...

In an effort to finish at least one project this fall, I've been tasking myself with editing and catolouging the thousands of photos I've taken this spring/summer/fall.
I'm burning through them at a pretty good rate...and even getting some posted here...backdated if need be, but posted nonetheless! :)

This morning I spent my breakfast...coffee in one hand, hunt-and-peck with the other...finishing up the pics from our weekend in PA. And found this winner:



(I reserve the right to pull this pic out of sheer humiliation at any point!)
Aaah...weekend hotel...comfy beds...relaxing whirlpool...STILL NOT RELAXED!?! Seriously, zoom in...see that expression on my face??? I vaguely remember having spent a solid 15 minutes in that tub...relaxing, enjoying, zoning. Proof, people, proof. Even in Mami-relaxation-mode, I am still totally focused, totally on guard and totally stressed.

Need this, STAT!

...childhood revisited...

This week I learned something new. I can add 'Back to School' night to the list of awkward single mom moments!

Need a reminder that you are out there doing it 'alone'? Aching to stick out like a sore thumb? Chomping at the bit to reiterate countless times that there's no dad or siblings?

Then by goodness sake, get yourself to the nearest 'Back to School' night, and have at it!!!

Ugh! :(

I can't remember, am I supposed feel ashamed or proud, broken or strong, victimized or warrior-like?

Q-"So, what does your husband do?"
A-"Drugs, other women, you name it...thanks for asking!"