...always aware...

By now, reader, I'm sure you are more than well aware that April is Autism Awareness Month. After all, I've been mentioning it left and right, haven't I?

I'll be honest...I'm going to keep bringing it up. Yup, I am. Over and over again. And you know what? When April ends and Autism Awareness Month draws to a close, I'm still going to be mentioning it.

Because in my home, in my family, in my life, it doesn't end.

It just is.

and it's my blog! :)

Mister Man is autistic. He's plenty of other things as well...many of them fantastic and wonderful, some of them less so. But whether or not he's in creative mode, playful mode, tantrum mode, etc... - he's always without fail autistic.

It's not like an article of clothing he can put on or take off as he pleases.

It's not like a choice he can wake up making.

It's not even like a mood he can be coaxed out of.

It just is.

And it colours everyday of our life a different shade than it otherwise would have been.

Our mornings look different than yours. Our phone calls sound different than yours. Our meals taste different.

Now, I have countless times talked about how having a special needs child has brought out the best in me...it's made me into someone I never would have guessed I could be.

But gosh darn it, it's hard. Really hard. To wake up day after day and steel yourself for the challenges that you know will come at every turn. To be always prepped for every possible outcome in every situation. To feel like leaving the house requires a checklist...even just to go on a walk.

And it's exhausting...switching hats seamlessly from loving mother to demanding therapist to challenging teacher...even playing doctor and experimental scientist.

Making sure I'm always hyper aware of what's going on around us...noises, colours, lights, movement, scents...it's all important.

Like any parent of a special needs child, my strongest wish is for understanding.

Do you see us walking down the street...my firm grasp and constant directives...his stimmy-fingers and apparent oblivion? Understand that we're enjoying ourselves. Do you see us at the local Target as I clutch him hard against my chest while his whole body flails and tears pour down his face. Understand that this is a meltdown of sensory over stimulation. Do you see us at the playground, in the cafe, in church? Do you wonder at that child and his mother? Do you think he's bratty or spoiled or disobedient or scary? Understand that we want your friendship. Understand that we are trying to be in the world. Understand that we have great things to offer. Understand that we do things differently. Understand autism.

And then...move on. Come say hi! We'll be glad to meet you...