...quote of the day...

"But history will judge you, and as the years pass, you will ultimately judge yourself, in the extent to which you have used your gifts and talents to lighten and enrich the lives of your fellow men. In your hands lies the future of your world and the fulfillment of the best qualities of your own spirit." Robert F. Kennedy

This quote caught my eye yesterday at the top of the editor's column in a parenting magazine. I read it over several times, and thought it worth sharing. Not only does it present a challenge to us to 'work for the better'...it reminded me that the only 'earthly' judgement worth my regard is my own. At the end of the day I have to decide whether or not I did my best with what I had, or not.

Obviously it is a gross understatement to say that we, as individuals, are multi-faceted. And yet, I make that a point here, because of my current train of thought.

I am first and foremost an individual. Yes, I am a mother...and yes, it is a large part of my identity these days. But to define myself as only 'mother' detracts from all my other skills, talents and interests. And it also reduces my own vision of what I am capable of achieving.

As a mother, I want the best for my child. But as an individual, I want happiness. I believe those two goals can be achieved hand in hand. What I don't believe is that in order to provide my child with the best that I have to offer, I need to sacrifice aspects of my own personality.

Up until the very recent present, I have lived my life fearing criticism. I have been afraid to attract notice, to be perceived as different or unique, and to not suit everyones' images of me. Because of that fear I have gone through these odd cyclical stages....one moment trying to fit the mold, the next rebelling. What makes this sad to realize is that in doing so, I lost track of who I really was. And what I, individually, have to offer.

Thankfully, in that most basic sense of restoring balance, I have a circle of very smart, intuitive and caring friends who ground me in the reality of who I really am. They know me as a friend and a mother, as an artist and performer, as a creator and as a flawed individual. And they remind me that I am all those things and more, when I feel under siege.

As I get older, I realize all the more the need to take accountability in the simplest sense. I make the choices that feel right to me. I put the clothing on that suits my mood. I nurture myself and my child in the way that comes naturally to me. And I pursue those activities which interest me.

It's not about gaining or losing approval. The fundamental key to happiness, I believe, is finally figuring out who you are, what you stand for and chasing after your own dreams.

My dreams are both simple and complex...and at the root of all them lies happiness, contentment and growth.