...imps, gremlins, and 'almost 5' year-olds...

This past week has again been difficult. I used to say we had 'a' days and 'b' days. "A" meant it was an autism day, with the mister man's quirks and issues on red alert. And 'b'...that meant better, the days when he could conceivably "pass" for a typical child. How often I have expressed my annoyance that autism doesn't present itself physically...in public it just looks like bad mom/beastly child.
Anyhow, as of late, it's been a series of strictly 'a' days...and bad ones at that. The mister man, while cute and adorable and arguably the love of my life, can also be my worst nightmare. He goes through what I call 'power surges'...these vast time periods where his behaviour is completely without control...and as he gets older he becomes more physically violent and harder to contain. It's as though I have two children, or at the very least, two sides to one. On one hand I have my loveable, cuddleable gentleman of a boy...the one who loves his mami and tries so very hard to control his own autistic tendencies. And then there's the flip side with the emotional outbursts that go on for days and the mass destruction and the hitting-kicking-biting-slapping free for all. And I'll tell you, honestly, sometimes, it is very hard to love the child that is inflicting pain on me.
What makes it so much more frustrating is that he reserves that behaviour solely for me...yeah for trust. Which means no one else ever really grasps that he is capable of so much fury.
Thankfully, as I wrote before, this is all sort of cyclical. For the most part we'll have a stretch of 'b' days with some low-incidence 'a' days sprinkled throughout. And then every once in a while something throws that whole cycle and life becomes...difficult... Such was the case for most of the late spring/summer and now it seems it's starting up again.
I've already dissected every part of the day...diet, sensory profile, sleep pattern, temperature, etc.... And I still can't figure out the cause, which means I can't fix it! I do think allergies plays a part, at least in the summer months. I don't know if maybe the extreme cold and therefore dry air also is affecting him. But I do know that for sure, he processes physical and emotional pains in an extremely wonky way. Almost opposite-world. So if there is some physical issue or discomfort going on, it's completely reasonable that he is processing it emotionally...hence the behaviour.
Ugh!!!!