...26 (in days gone by)...

 In Days Gone By:
 11.December.2016

 Quiet home.

J-bug is still asleep, his faithful companions Katja and Henry tucked up close. When he's fast asleep, I can so easily fall back in time and remember those days when he was so young and so tiny. All curled up and covered from toe to top, with just a sliver of face out to breathe, he looks no different to me now than when he was 5. And in these moments, I feel no different...no older...and certainly no wiser, than I did when he and I were young.

From where I'm sitting, I can see all the small things I've done to "holiday-ify" our postage stamp apartment. And I can see where his Transformers bleed into the decorations...a mini con left in front of the nativity, autobots and decepticons battling it out amidst my wooden christmas trees.

I'll clean them up later, I always do...

And they'll find their way back, they always do...

Henry will show up in my chair right before I go to sit down. A dinobot will suddenly appear in front of my breakfast.

J-bug will clamber his way onto me, seeking sensory stimulation, all 145 pounds of him clawing his way into attention at the very moment I was going to start something else.

He's still asleep. We've missed church once again. I can't bear to wake him, he needs this rest...the demands of the week are exhasuting for him. And tomorrow, we'll be up by 4:30.

In the silence, my mind whirrs...creating and planning and backing up...forever trying to fill his day with joy, forever trying to anticipate every need.

My coffee's gone cold...again. I'll pop it in the microwave and burn the tip of my tongue on that first hot sip, then set it on the windowsill once more, forgotten. Back in the micro...once, twice, eventually I'll get it right.

I worry, as I sit here, over all the things I can't control and all the things I can. I worry about the moments of failure today, when I answer too sharply or don't respond just right...when he needs me to listen and I don't even hear him...when he needs a friend or a father, but only has me. I worry that we should have already gotten a Christmas tree. I worry that he won't understand why Santa didn't bring him the 3d printer he's obsessed with. I worry that someone at his school full of upper middle class and higher will actually get a 3d printer for Christmas.

And I wait. Wait for him to wake up so the day can start. Wait, quietly reading, quietly typing... Wait. Quietly. As though I only turn on when he has need of me.

So he sleeps on.

My home is quiet.

x

...halloween 2023: from Neverland...

"But mother, I don't want to grow up.”

 "You know, you look exactly the way I thought you would.

A little taller perhaps.”

“It is not in doing what you like,

but in liking what you do that is the secret of happiness.”

“Now, think of the happiest things.

It's the same as having wings!”

“Oh, but, mother, it was a such a wonderful adventure!”

 “It is the nightly custom of every good mother

after her children are asleep to rummage in their minds

and put things straight for the next morning,

repacking into their proper places the

many articles that have wandered during the day.”

Wendy: "But what were you doing there?"

Peter: " I came to listen to your stories. "

Wendy: "My stories? But they're all about you!"

Peter: "I know! That's why I like 'em!"

"I'm Youth! I'm Joy!"

"Oh, the cleverness of me!"

“Children have the strangest adventures without being troubled by them."

“I'm so happy, I think I'll give you a kiss.”

“After all, one can’t leave his shadow lying about

and not miss it sooner or later, don’t you agree?”

“Stop playing and help me find my shadow!

Shadow … shadow …”

“Just always be waiting for me.”

 “All of this has happened before,

and it will all happen again.”

“Well, a mother, a real mother,

is the most wonderful person in the world.

She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight,

kisses your cheek, whispers ‘sleep tight.’”

“Go on!

Go back and grow up!

But I’m warning you,

once you’re grown up you can never come back.”

...shareables...

Just a quick pop-in from over here at Crafter's Chaos,

where last minute Costume Catastrophes

have this mami running around like a headless chicken!

Over on the margin, you'll find that the "shareables" have been updated with this year's

"Spooky Poem Lunchnotes" 

(the step-children edition!)

so give it a look and be inspired!

Hope you are all enjoying your Halloween festivities, and that the weather complies with Us All for a frightfully fantastic night of Trick-or-Treating!

 

...Happy Halloween...

 

...a day to reflect and honor: Indigenous Peoples' Day...

Remembrance, reflection, and recognition

 

...25 (in days gone by)...

 In Days Gone By:
 8.October.2022

Tap tap tap.

Fingers on keyboards.

Across the table.

Am reminded, just now, of sitting across the table from Johannes (a different table, with different tech) as he worked on homework and I worked on work (editing) in companionable silence. Chat windows popping up on both screens occasionally, as we politely interrupted one another. The scent of herbal tea steaming into the air around us.

Now we work in silence, together.

Both logged into the same doc.

His cursor kicking mine out of the way.

Occasionally, one or the other of us breaks the silence to "read aloud" (the best editing tool!) and we stop to take a sip and crack those finger joints.

This.

More than I knew to hope for.

...October : The List...

Rain, rain, go away...and take September with you!

We're a few gorgeous days into October and thank goodness for that!

Delayed by rain...then illness...we're finally getting back in the game.

The month ahead is already filling up with 'big things' that must be done,

so, I'm all the more eager to find little pockets of fun and adventure.

Mid-month, we'll be heading out on the road for a long car trip to Ohio.  It's a trip fraught with emotion, even this far in advance.  A goodbye, and a hello, and a...'oh, I remember you' all wrapped up in one.  And it will be Henri's first long car trip...so, I've planning to do for sufficient breaks.

Homeschooling has been chewing up the majority of my time...if I'm not actively in teacher-mode, then I'm trying to create resources and recycle thrift finds into unit-themed activities.  Henri is flourishing in these early days and for as often as I may feel defeated by the things that went undone, I am buoyed right back up by his love for learning and challenge.

You'll note the final item...  So long overdue...