...when the safe space is only safe if you're not there...

Church. 
Worship and praise. A safe haven. Commune with Spirit and with your innermost self.
Church.
Both place and action word.  Both pews of parishioners and Word within.

 I'm about to throw down some inflammatory words right here. Prepare yourself.

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I.M.O., no one needs church more than the primary parent of a toddler.
And no one feels more out of place at church, than the primary parent of a toddler.

Think about it.

(Now, for the sake of relating this post to myself because:blog, let's stick with mom as the primary parent. Fairly typical...not necessarily the norm, but let's just go with it. If you've a strong opinion, let me know.  You know we're here for inclusion and acceptance.)

Okay, now...back on track.

The toddler stage is...challenging. If it still involves nursing, all the more so.  It's burning the candle at both ends and in the middle.  It's constantly refilling the tablespoon you're using to put out little sparks, while all around you, the wall of flames keeps closing in. Parenting toddlerhood is soothing the upset, while bracing for the punch...and then not reacting to that well-aimed, direct hit.

And in public?  Parenting a toddler is an exercise in shame...the limits of which you'll have forgotten...do not exist!

Parenting a toddler is the refining stage of the relationship: burning fire and rough tumbles to polish, chemical baths of hormones and adrenaline. 

It's not pretty.  It's not easy or instinctive or natural.  It doesn't obey any rules of expectation or follow any pattern. What works one moment or one day, has the opposite effect the next.

And we tear ourselves into pieces trying to gently enfold a wild animal.

There is nothing like parenting a toddler, to make you feel completely useless.

There is nothing like parenting a toddler, to make you feel completely worthless.

So back to what I was saying earlier: no one needs church more than the primary parent of a toddler.

Because church...safe haven and worship...is the only real reminder of our worth.

That Love is the only place in which to be restored.

Church is where the parent can remember the person.

Or, not...

Because, the person...is the parent...of the totally disobedient, wildly rambunctious, distraction-causing toddler disrupting the service for everyone else.

It's stubbornness, pure and simple, that makes us go back.  We know it's going to be bad...epically so.  We know that the backpack full of favorites and treats...carefully chosen to distract and bribe...will only get us through the opening prayers.  We know that by the second verse of the opening hymn, our little darling will have made a run for it...or rearranged the prayer bolsters...or tried to make papier-mache of the hymnal.  We know that our attention will be so laser-focused on preventative-maintenance that we won't even hear the sermon.

We know that much as we may need Church, our presence is disrupting everyone else's experience.

We know, that just right now, no matter how much we want to, we just don't belong there.

We know that the Doors are always open, but that, in this season, we should do everyone else the kindness of not crossing the threshold.