I'm ready to move...and yet I'm not.
That seems to have been the ever-present refrain of my life for the past four years now.
This solo journey of parenting and life in general can get quickly overwhelming as soon as I really start incurring changes. I feel like maybe it's a matter of taking the bandage off...just ripping things up really quickly and moving on before I get a chance to process the feelings. But on the flip side I worry that if I act to quickly I'll miss something or worse yet, make things difficult for my son.
I know we need to move...I've known it since the day I sat in the offices of legal aid filling out papework to file a restraining order against my spouse. And yet...four years later we're still 'just starting' the process. I worry all the time that no matter what decisions I make they will be the wrong ones...and it's that fear that keeps me staying put. The devil you know...
So this time I'm taking a new approach and covering all the bases. While I narrow down my search options for where to move to, I'm making sure to leave the doors open here. The mister man is re-enrolled in school for next year though I very well know that I don't want to be here next year. And at the same time that I'm locating a new school and new therapists for him, I'm making sure he's set up fully with services here. I'm redoing the interior of our home and downsizing our belongings even while I'm mentally packing things up. And yes, my head is spinning...
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