...silent treatment...

Please tell me I'm not the only one who sits down to write, head full of important thoughts and ideas, only to hit that wall where the words just won't come out.  

It's bad enough that the words literally won't come out right now.  I've been taking it easy the past few days, trying to ignore the pain of an infected, impacted wisdom tooth.  The antibiotics make me nauseous, exhausted and restless at the same time.  I've always been "chemically sensitive", so I tend to avoid medication unless it's really the last resort.  Even Tylenol makes me feel off.  But when the pain kicked in last week, I became best friends with my bottle of Aleve.  I made it through most of the week, firmly believing in the "this, too, shall pass" mantra.  Rinsing with salt water.  Feverishly brushing ever time I felt a twinge.  But come night time I was miserable, the pain enough to keep me wide awake and writhing.  

Yes, I finally went to the dentist.

(Dental Phobia.  It's a thing.  There's a reason.  Maybe I'll write about it.)

  Since then, I've been functionally silent.  Pushing a scramble of syllables out only when totally necessary.   What's that triangle called, in the back, between the upper and lower jaw?  I swear it screams every time it moves!  I think all that poking and prodding (which, yes, I get was necessary to ascertain the extent of the problem) further inflamed the affected area so I'm on verbal lockdown until the amoxicillin does it's job, sipping all my meals through a straw and feeling sorry for myself.   Yesterday, I put work aside...put my feet up...and hunkered down in front of the tv  in full human-burrito mode.

I managed a shower, and got myself down to the bus-stop in the afternoon.  But, once back in the house, reverted to couch-potato status.  My single contribution to the day?  Plugging in my laptop to print out his latest prototype.

He got to 'parent' himself for the evening.  Just imagine glazed eyes and frantic fingers tapping away at the screen, 'Speedboats.io' chewing up the hours, while he chewed up an entire box of fruit snacks.  Oh yeah, total mom-fail.

And I didn't care.

My mouth hurt.  My jaw ached.  My head throbbed.

Poor me. 

I skipped out on the BOE meeting.  It didn't take much effort to convince myself that I couldn't possibly go 'in my condition'.  

I left the dirty dishes in the sink.

Another restless night.  Another morning with the sudden Zing of pain when the nerves woke up.

And still, no words.

Soup for breakfast.  Coffee, through a straw.  Finally a use for that surplus-sized pack of straws from Ikea.  (In my defense, they're just the right size for smoothies and fit our 'cold-to-go' cups perfectly...oh, and cheap!)  I'm halfway through the pack already.  

Poor me.

I've resumed function today, sort of.  Made his breakfast, packed his lunch.  Reviewed that hastily done homework.  Got him on the bus.  Logged on, clocked in, hit submit.  But my jaw remains closed, still swollen and sore and reminding me that chewing is over-rated.  

I test it every few minutes, pushing my tongue into the corner to prod at the soreness.  Yup, still there.  Wince.

I thought I'd take my break.  Reheat my coffee.  Write for a while.  So many words.  So many things to say. 

But I opened the page and the cursor just blinked at me...on...off...on...off...

I started.  Then deleted.  Repeated. 

And finally just now, as I was typing, realized I can't write when I can't speak.  I can't write when I can't read aloud my own words and let my internal editor hear them.  

I have no words...