...the junk drawer...

I've got one,

You've got one.

I'd wager a bet that everyone has one, in some form or other.

For some, it's an actual drawer-usually in the kitchen, nice and handy.  For others it might be a folder wedged in the back of the cabinet. Maybe it's the hold-all in your car's center console.  Or perhaps it's a box or carton stacked up high collecting dust, or hidden behind more important things.  The point is we all have one.  We all have a place to put things we deem not quite necessary, but still retaining of potential use. 

Full disclosure?  I have several of varied rankings in importance.  There's a small corner in the top drawer of my dresser that's dedicated to things that I don't necessarily need in my pocketbook, but that might become needed.  There's the shallow drawer in the console by the front door that houses extras of the items I usually carry.  Underneath the utensil organizer in the bottom drawer in my kitchen, you'll find all the specialty tools that only see the light of day about once a year.  And over in my long-term storage, there's boxes and totes filled with all the things I don't have room for but I haven't considered letting go of.  

Even my son has one.  Though were he to hear  it labeled as such, he'd undoubtedly look at you askance, and declare his to be a treasure chest!  

We all have a junk drawer. 

We all have things we don't quite know what to do with, or where to store, or how to apply to our everyday use.  We all have things we're holding onto.  We all have things collecting dust in our life, that we don't use regularly or even readily recall owning. 

We all have a junk drawer. 

Question is: When's the last time you looked in yours? 

When's the last time you stopped in the middle of whatever's going on now, and thought about what had gone on before?  When's the last time you checked back in with your past to familiarize yourself with it's contents?  When's the last time you dug through all that junk to see if there was something worthwhile?

I'll be the first to admit, I carry around a lot of baggage. I have a past cluttered with mistakes, bad choices, embarrassment, and regrets.  And often times, I carry around a good deal of shame because of that. But in the past couple of years, I've been making a conscious effort to release the shame and move forward with some degree of pride in who I am now.  Yes, I have a past. I have a past that's cluttered with all that junk.  But so do you. So does everyone.  

We all have a junk drawer.

If there were a way to make mine tangible, you could open it and see those things I put aside but never really got rid of:

You would see my emotional investment in a failed marriage.

You would see my disappointment  when I couldn't make it work.

You would see my shock and shame when I met the woman who gave birth to me.

You would see my embarrassment and my fear that I had been deemed a throwaway.

You would see unfinished projects.

You would see Band-Aids and glues and adhesives that didn't fix anything properly.

You would see all the expectations I had when I was pregnant, that never had a chance of coming true.

You would see all the leftover love from past relationships, because it doesn't ever really go away.  

And:

You would see all the important words I collected through the years.

You would see all the hours spent sitting in a marriage counselor's office.

You would see lessons finally learned.

You would see the keys to doors I've closed and locked and walked away from.

You would see moments of minor triumphs in the midst of desolation.

You would see all those useless No's, that I've replaced with Yes's. 

You would see all the bits and pieces that contributed to building my present, but that don't actually have a place in it.

You would see my junk.

And if all that were possible...if it could be made tangible…if you could see it… then so could I.  I could pull the handle, and slide it out. Dump it all out on a flat surface and sort through it.  I'd grimace when my fingers touched one or two of those choices I'm ashamed of.  Smile when I happened upon one of those triumphs. And reminisce a bit when sorting through all those keys, remembering how excited I was when I first put them in their locks and opened those doors. 

I might be tempted to take one or two or more items out of the drawer and try to find somewhere else to put them.  Try to find somewhere to fit them into my present.  I might try shifting things around a bit, hoping to make some room for them.

But in the end it wouldn't work. Sure, I might be able to squeeze one or two of them in somewhere-somehow…but it would just sit there, awkward and ill fitting and useless.  And the fact that I had crammed it in somewhere-somehow...would shift everything else over from where it should be.  Nothing in my present would be as comfortable or functional as it is now.  Trying to give new life to the junk from the past, would throw my present off-balance. 

We all have a junk drawer.

It's where we keep the things we know are important, but that don't have a use at present. 

And sometimes it just needs to be emptied.

At the very least, sift through it once in a while.

~Leanna