...for the first time in forever...

You wake up. Shake off the last vestiges of sleep.

Coffee. News.

Rouse the house.

Same old routine.

Day in. Day out. 

We are creatures of habit, all of us. Settling into schedules and routines.  Allowing the constraints of time and responsibility to mold us into self-contained patterns.

Patterns which provide comfort.

Comfort which turns into expectation.

Expectation which becomes complacency.

Before we know it, we are simply going through the motions without noticing the view outside the box. 

But what if that changed?

What if we could tap back into that long-lost childhood knowledge that every day is new?

Fresh start. Clean slate. Possibilities. Adventures. Discovery.

What if we woke up one morning and realized all that? 

~~~~~

Lately, there has been a recurring theme winding its way through my days.  Friends and acquaintances who've been struggling to find their niches.  Stories that revolve around a sense of displacement.  Conversations with my son about settling vs. striving. 

It all comes back to same main idea. 

Why are we all comprised of such different pieces, if we're simply supposed to box ourselves into conformity?  Why does the very notion of normality send a frisson of fear through some of us, while other strive for it?

Or perhaps more importantly, is happiness ever a one-size-fits-all?

~~~~~

I've never really been one to fit in.

I've never really found my niche.

I've never really settled in or settled down.

Sure, there have been times where I've fallen into a pattern.  There have been times where I lived a day to day existence made up solely of habit.  And moments. Glorious moments when I thought "this is it!".  Glorious, fleeting moments. 

But the truth of the matter is I'm still struggling. Still striving for or chasing after or climbing up or whatever term most aptly describes the way in which I'm still seeking out my personal version of a happily ever after.  Because I still do believe that I just haven't found it yet. 

Now I'm not talking about some fairytale.  I'm not even referring to the 2.5 and a white picket fence. In fact, romance and marriage and all that jazz doesn't even factor into the discussion. Because that's not what I'm after. And it probably hasn't ever been.  Not even on my wedding day.

Sure, I wanted some portion of stability and comfort. But what I really wanted was the adventure of life.  The altering, refining ups and downs and twists and turns.  

You know what? I got it. I'm living it. 

I wanted the adventure-and this is it.

A recent email exchange with an old friend reminded me of this. She too was caught up in the angst of not knowing what to do next.  Having realized that settling was uncomfortable, she was looking around and noticing that she wasn't where and how and who she really wanted to be.  I got it. I understood. Because so often I feel the very same way.

What I was reminded of, was this. Trite as it may sound…we only live once. We only get one shot.  

For the first time in forever, it's your life. It's my life. 

Sure, every move we make may already have been done before by someone else.  Every choice we wrestle with may have been decided by others eons ago.  But that doesn't make it any less important in the here and now.  Just because it happened before doesn't make it any less uniquely yours or mine this time around.  

For the first time in forever, it's today. Today is new. It's never been before. 24 hours completely yours and mine.

Fresh start. Clean slate. Possibilities. Adventures. Discovery.

Doesn't that make waking up so much more exciting? 

...looking forward to the next adventure...